Hillsong - Yahweh ♥ & Bruno Mars - Just The Way You Are ♥ (special edition by JS)
Showing posts with label Books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Books. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Last Lecture 最後的演講




2007.7月29日新聞稿

用盡生命最後的力氣,發揮最大的影響力

<最後的演講> 鮑許教授上週五辭世


2007年八月,醫生告訴美國卡內基美隆大學明星教授——蘭迪.鮑許說(Randy Pausch):「你罹患致死率最高的胰臟癌,只剩下三~六個月的生命」。鮑許在與死神搏鬥的同時,於去年九月在卡內基美隆大學發表了「最後的演講——全力實現兒時夢想」演講,感動了全校師生,並造全球千萬網友瘋狂點閱Google Video、YouTube,不分國界地透過網路觀看這一充滿智慧、歡笑,深具啟發性的精彩演講。

今年4月,鮑許按照當天演講的基本架構,延伸出更完整的53個生命故事,寫成《最後的演講》新書來鼓舞人心。蘭迪.鮑許並登上「2008時代雜誌世界100大最有影響力人物」金榜,但不幸於美國時間25日上午辭世家中,他比醫生預估的多活了五個月,留下三個未滿七歲的小孩,年僅47歲。

蘭迪.鮑許逝世的消息,成為這兩天國際新聞的重大焦點,各大媒體均以大篇幅版面介紹這一位「用盡生命最後的力氣,發揮最大影響力的了不起人物」之新聞。美國ABC電視台,更將於美國時間29日 (星期二) 晚上製作播出「特別回顧紀念專題——最後的演講:生命的慶典」。

蘭迪教授不管在書中或演講裡,都沒有「刻意強調」他的宗教信仰,其原因在書中有特別提到:「我想要談的是能夠適用於各種信仰的普世原則;讓我在告別人世之前發揮一點正面的影響力」。《最後的演講》書中「父母樂透」篇章,巧妙的用輕鬆自然的方式提到,他們全家是基督徒、他和他的母親都是美國長老教會的信徒。在這段接受化療的人生最後旅程,他的教會和牧師給他莫大的關心和許多寶貴建議…。他今年4月接受「華爾街日報」的專訪時,更在一開始就特別提到:

即使面對死亡,我仍希望採取務實的態度

同時謹記《寧靜祈禱》

上帝啊,求您賜我寧靜,接納我無法改變的事情

賜我勇氣 改變我能改變的部分

並賜我智慧 以分辨這兩者的差別

分辨出哪些是有用的事情

然後 把經歷投注在這些方面上…

鮑許在《最後的演講》書序中表示,「在未來的20年,他無法陪伴他三位未滿七歲的子女們成年,所以這本書和演講,其實是要留給他子女的『瓶中信』;希望這個瓶子日後能夠沖刷到我子女的人生沙灘上。我如果是畫家,就會為他們畫一幅畫;我如果是音樂家,就會創作一首樂曲。但我是老師,所以我在學校發表演說。」蘭迪又寫道:「這一切都不足以取代一個活生生的爸爸。不過,工程的重點本來就不在於找出完美的解決方案,而是如何以有限的資源盡力達到最佳的成果。」他,做到了!而且做的超乎一般人的能力。

今年5月,蘭迪與前美國副總統高爾,共同出席美國卡內基美隆大學畢業典禮,這是他逝世前的最後公開場合,他在畢業典禮演說提到他對面對死亡的看法。他表示:「當人們以為我的壽命超過了醫生的預期說法,恭喜我打敗了死神。但我確認為,只靠多活幾天是無法打敗死神的,打敗死神的方法是活得更好、活得更完整而有意義。」、「在告別的時刻,不是想起來你還沒做什麼,重點是那些幸好你有做過、毫不後悔的事。」這無疑是對「生命」最好的詮釋!這些話,在他過世的今天看來,特別令人感到他蘊藏的深刻智慧。

雖然大家都讚許他這種用「面對即將死亡」的心態認真過每一天,他卻認為,自己是用「本來就應該的活著」的方式在過日子。所以,他把他「人生中各個階段得到的教訓,包括童年、求學、求職、戀愛、婚姻、工作、親子關係…」,以及「圓夢中學到的各種經驗」通通寫在《最後的演講》書中,希望讀者「可以用正確的方式度過人生,而夢想自然就會實現!」台灣最年輕最具影響力的趨勢創投作家劉威麟 (Mr.6),形容這就像「僅次於神聖宗教的凡人經文;人類智慧瞬間被推高到極限,是一部難得一見的人生百科!」。

中文版《最後的演講》於6月25日發行出版,而鮑許教授巧在中文版出版滿月時過世,在上市短短30天,中文版卻已經再版3次,並搶下金石堂、博客來、誠品三大暢銷書冠軍寶座,並蟬聯四周冠軍迄今。不管是得標版權金或銷量都直逼《哈利波特》,也創下今年外文書最高的版權金紀錄。此書被翻譯成30種語言。

如同蘭迪鮑許希望,「不要只是為我鼓掌流淚,請把我傳授的錦囊用在你的人生裡……」。本書中文版也獲得李開復、吳念真、楊定一、連加恩、孫大偉、林義傑、劉威麟(Mr.6)、洪蘭、蘇雪豔、光禹等人的至情推薦。ABC(美國廣播公司)將他列為去年三大年度風雲人物。雖然人生短暫,鮑許已經成為很多人心中的親密摯友。

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Nature VS. Nurture Continued



I've actually read this while I was @ SFU taking my Sociology courses as it's one of a well known experiments to test the conspiracy of Nature Vs. Nature. Fascinated how they found each other, and actually wrote a book together! Amazing!! Who knows..u may have a twin sis or bro??

'Identical Strangers' Explore Nature Vs. Nurture-by Joe Richman of Radio Diaries

Explore the lives of 'Identical Strangers'

Paula Bernstein (left) and Elyse Schein are identical twins who were separated as infants and adopted by different families.

More on the Twins
Oct. 25, 2007
Strangers Become Sisters as Twins Reunite

Elena Seibert
Paula Bernstein (left) and Elyse Schein were reunited in 2004, when they were 35. They are authors of a new memoir, Identical Strangers.

Read about how Elyse Schein began the search for her birth mother that led to her twin sister.

All Things Considered, October 25, 2007 · What is it that makes us who we really are: our life experiences or our DNA? Paula Bernstein and Elyse Schein were both born in New York City. Both women were adopted as infants and raised by loving families. They met for the first time when they were 35 years old and found they were "identical strangers."

Unknowingly, Bernstein and Schein had been part of a secret research project in the 1960s and '70s that separated identical twins as infants and followed their development in a one-of-a-kind experiment to assess the influence of nature vs. nurture in child development.

Now, the twins, authors of a new memoir called Identical Strangers, are trying to uncover the truth about the study.

'I Have a Twin'

In 2004, Paula Bernstein received a phone call from an employee of Louise Wise Services, the agency where she had been adopted. The message: She had a twin who was looking for her.

The woman told Bernstein her twin's name.

"And I thought, I have a twin, and her name is Elyse Schein," Bernstein says.

Schein, who was living in Paris at the time, had been trying to find information about her birth mother when she learned from the adoption agency that she had a twin sister.

The two women met for the first time at a cafe in New York City — and stayed through lunch and dinner, talking.

"We had 35 years to catch up on. How do you start asking somebody, 'What have you been up to since we shared a womb together?' Where do you start?" Bernstein says.

Separated at Adoption

Soon after the sisters were reunited, Schein told Bernstein what she had found out about why they were separated: They were part of a study on nature vs. nurture. It was the only study of its kind on twins separated from infancy.

Neither parents nor children knew the real subject of the study — or that the children had been separated from their identical twin.

"When the families adopted these children, they were told that their child was already part of an ongoing child study. But of course, they neglected to tell them the key element of the study, which is that it was child development among twins raised in different homes," Bernstein says.

A 'Practically Perfect' Study

Peter Neubauer, a child psychiatrist, and Viola Bernard, a child psychologist and consultant to the Louise Wise agency, headed up the study.

Lawrence Perlman, a research assistant on the study from 1968 to 1969, says Bernard had a strong belief that twins should be raised separately.

"That twins were often dressed the same and treated exactly the same, she felt, interfered with their independent psychological development," Perlman says.

Lawrence Wright is the author of Twins, a book about twin studies.

"Since the beginning of science, twins have offered a unique opportunity to study to what extent nature vs. nurture influences the way we develop, the people that we turn out to be," Wright says.

Wright notes that the Neubauer study differs from all other twin studies in that it followed the twins from infancy.

"From a scientific point of view, it's beautiful. It's practically the perfect study. But this study would never happen today," Wright says.

Finding the True Story

The study ended in 1980, and a year later, the state of New York began requiring adoption agencies to keep siblings together.

At that point, Bernstein says, Neubauer realized that public opinion would be so against the study that he decided not to publish it. The results of the study have been sealed until 2066 and given to an archive at Yale University.

"It's kind of disturbing to think that all this material about us is in some file cabinet somewhere. And really for ourselves, we had to figure out what the true story was," Bernstein says.

The sisters attempted to reach Neubauer, a distinguished and internationally renowned psychiatrist who serves on the board of the Freud Archives. Initially, he refused to speak to them.

No Remorse, No Apology

Eventually, he granted the women an unofficial interview — no taping or videotaping allowed.

Bernstein says she had hoped Neubauer would apologize for separating the twins. Instead, he showed no remorse and offered no apology.

Neubauer has rarely spoken about the study. But in the mid-1990s, he did talk about it with Wright, the author of Twins.

"[Neubauer] insisted that at the time, it was a matter of scientific consensus that twins were better off separated at birth and raised separately," Wright says. "I never found anything in the literature to support that."

The author also says Neubauer was "unapologetic" about the study, even though he admits that the project raised ethical question about whether one has a right to or should separate identical twins.

"It is very difficult to answer. It is for these reasons that these studies don't take place," Neubauer told Wright.

Wright says that no such study will ever be done again — nor should it. But he acknowledges that it would be very interesting to learn what this study has to teach us.

'Different People with Different Life Histories'

As for Bernstein and Schein, getting to know each other has raised its own questions.

"Twins really do force us to question what is it that makes each of us who we are. Since meeting Elyse, it is undeniable that genetics play a huge role — probably more than 50 percent," Bernstein says.

"It's not just our taste in music or books; it goes beyond that. In her, I see the same basic personality. And yet, eventually we had to realize that we're different people with different life histories."

As much as she thinks the researchers did the wrong thing by separating the twins, Bernstein says she can't imagine a life growing up with her twin sister.

"That life never happened. And it is sad, that as close as we are now, there is no way we can ever compensate for those 35 years," Bernstein says.

"With me and Paula, it is hard to see where we are going to go. It's really uncharted territory," Schein says. "But I really love her and I can't imagine my life without her."

Neubauer declined to be interviewed for this story. Of the 13 children involved in his study, three sets of twins and one set of triplets have discovered one another. The other four subjects of the study still do not know they have identical twins.

CHAPTER ONE

ELYSE:

My mother, my adoptive mother, my real mother, died when I was six, but throughout my childhood I believed she watched over me from above. I held the few images that remained of her in my mind like precious photographs I could animate at will. In one, she sat before her dressing table, lining her charcoal eyes, preparing to go out with my dad one Saturday night. The scent of her Chanel No. 5 is enchanting.

I can still see her. She catches a glimpse of me in the mirror and smiles at me, standing in the doorway in my pajamas. With her raven hair, she looks like Snow White. Then, after her death, she seemed to simply disappear, like a princess banished to some far-away kingdom. I believed that from that kingdom, she granted me magical powers.

When I jumped rope better than the other girls in my Long Island neighborhood, I knew it was because my mother was with me. When I went out fishing with my dad and brother, my mother helped me haul in the catch of the day. By sheer concentration, I could summon her force so that my frog won the neighborhood race.

Since I wasn't allowed to attend my mother's funeral, her death remained a mystery to me. When other kids asked how she had died, I confidently announced that she had had a backache. I later learned that her back problems had been caused by the cancer invading her spine.

Along with my mother's absence came an awareness of my own presence. I remember standing in complete darkness in front of the bay windows in our house shortly after her death. Alone, except for my reflection, I became aware of my own being. As I pulled away from the glass, my image disappeared. I asked myself, Why am I me and not someone else?

Until autumn of 2002, I had never searched for my birth parents. I was proud to be my own invention, having created myself out of several cities and cultures. In my ignorance surrounding my mother's death, I amplified the importance of the few facts I had accumulated — she was thirty-three when she died, which I somehow linked to our new home address at 33 Granada Circle. It was probably no coincidence that when I reached the age of thirty-three, after one year in Paris, the urge to know the truth of my origins grew stronger. Turning thirty-three felt the way other people described turning thirty. I felt that I should automatically transform into an adult.

I had recently starting wearing glasses to correct my severe case of astigmatism, which had allowed me to see the world in a beautiful blur for several years. All the minute details I had been oblivious to were suddenly focused and magnified. But even if it meant abandoning my own blissful vision of the world, I was ready to face the truth.

I was working in the unlikeliest of places, as a temporary receptionist in a French venture capital firm in the heart of Paris's business district. Of course, the desire to eat something other than canned ratatouille for dinner had played a part. I assured myself that I wasn't like the suburbanites who commuted every day in order to pay for a satellite dish and a yearly six-week vacation to the south of France.

Initially I had amused myself by observing French business decorum. As the novelty wore off, I entertained myself with the front desk computer. Assuming a businesslike pose, I sat for hours alternating between answering the phone and plugging words and topics into various search engines. I typed in old friends' names and discovered that my classmates from SUNY Stony Brook were now philosophy professors and documentary directors. One had even edited the latest Jacques Cousteau film.

Meanwhile, bringing espressos to hotshots in suits, I was beginning to doubt that my particular path would somehow lead me to realize my own dream of directing a cinematic masterpiece. After college graduation, I had migrated to Paris, leaving New York and my boyfriend behind to pursue the life I imagined to be that of an auteur film director. My Parisian film education consisted of regular screenings at the cinématèque and the small theaters lining the streets near the Sorbonne. Sitting in a dark cinema, I returned to the safety of the womb, united with an international family of strangers.

I wanted to go far away, to become someone else. In the French tongue, my name, "Stacie," sounded like "Stasi," the word for the East German secret police. Wanting a name that could be pronounced in any language, I took Elyse, my middle name. I couldn't change my name entirely, though, for as far away as I wanted to wander, I always wanted to be easily found.

My family still called me Stacie, but not in person because I hadn't seen them in four years. My schizophrenic brother could barely leave his house, much less get on a plane. My absence was convenient for them. I criticized their überconsumerism, while they couldn't understand my reluctance to join them in civilization. Though they would have bailed me out if I couldn't pay my $215/month rent, I wouldn't ask them to. My relationship with my father and my stepmother, Toni, consisted of a biweekly call to Oklahoma, where we had moved when I was eleven.

"Is everything okay?" they would ask.

"Yeah. Is everything okay?" I would echo back. "Everything's okay. The same." The same meant that my nephew was still causing mayhem. My family adopted my nephew Tyler as an infant, when my brother, Jay, and his then girlfriend abandoned him. Struggling with the onset of schizophrenia, Jay and Darla, a seventeen-year-old high school dropout, were in no position to raise a baby. Though I never saw them do drugs, I'd heard rumors that Darla sniffed paint while she was pregnant. Since the moment I snuck into the hospital room and watched Tyler enter the world, I have felt like his guardian angel. I even considered smuggling him into Canada to raise him as my own. Now the child in whom I had put so much hope had become an ornery teenager. The apple had not fallen far from the tree: Tyler had begun to use drugs. Disagreeing with my parents on how to handle him, I was excluded from his life.

The hum of the computer filled the silent office. Monsieur Grange had ordered me not to disturb him in his important meeting, so I was able to hide behind my polite mask while making contact with the outside world via the Internet. On a whim, I typed in "adoption search" and the die was cast. Countless sites appeared. I sorted through them until I found what seemed to be the most reputable, the New York State Adoption Information Registry. Unlike some states and other countries where adoption records are open to adoptees, New York seals adoption records; they can only be opened by petitioning the court. The Adoption Registry allows biological parents, children, and siblings to be put in contact, if all parties have registered. Maybe my birth parents were simply waiting for me to register and I would soon be reunited with the mysterious and formidable characters who had shadowed my life. Perhaps, after searching for many years, they had been unable to find me. On the other hand, as a temp, I certainly was not at the pinnacle of my minor artistic success, and the thought of disappointing these imaginary figures was daunting. Maybe they would reject me again. Or perhaps they wouldn't be fazed at all, having come to peace with their decision years ago. I would be a hiccup in their reality. The scenarios and possible repercussions of my inquiry multiplied infinitely in my mind, a million possible futures.

I filled in a form requesting identifying and nonidentifying information about my birth parents and sent it to the registry in Albany.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Mitch Albom

Mitch Albom mesmerized readers around the world with his number one New York Times bestsellers, The Five People You Meet in Heaven and Tuesdays with Morrie. Now he returns with a beautiful, haunting novel about the family we love and the chances we miss.

For One More Day is the story of a mother and a son, and a relationship that covers a lifetime and beyond. It explores the question: What would you do if you could spend one more day with a lost loved one?

As a child, Charley “Chick” Benetto was told by his father, “You can be a mama’s boy or a daddy’s boy, but you can’t be both.” So he chooses his father, only to see the man disappear when Charley is on the verge of adolescence.

Decades later, Charley is a broken man. His life has been crumbled by alcohol and regret. He loses his job. He leaves his family. He hits bottom after discovering his only daughter has shut him out of her wedding. And he decides to take his own life.

He makes a midnight ride to his small hometown, with plans to do himself in. But upon failing even to do that, he staggers back to his old house, only to make an astonishing discovery. His mother -- who died eight years earlier -- is still living there, and welcomes him home as if nothing ever happened.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Paid the price

p. 64

"...think more about investing in the future generations. Somebody paid the price. ......
Are you willing to pay the price so your children and their children as well as future generations can rise higher and accomplish more? If you're like me, nothing would make you happier than to see your children go further and achieve more than you thought possible for yourself. Or to see your grandchildren go further than you ever dreamed."

Made me thought of dad's hard work and dedication for his whole life just so we can have a better education. An elementary graduate, who would've thought he has such potential to be an entrepreneur? No prior education in finances and management..did he fail? NO!

Believe that there's always more you can do & never give up!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Become What You Believe

"Seven Steps in Demonstration" first outlined in the book Become What You Believe by Mildred Mann (1904 - 1971):

Desire:
Get a strong enthusiasm for that which you want in your life, a real longing for something which is not there now.

Decision:
Know definitely what it is that you want, what it is that you want to do or have.

Ask:
[When sure and enthusiastic] ask for it in simple, concise language. . .

Believe:
Believe in the accomplishment with strong faith, consciously and subconsciously.

Work:
Work at it. . . a few minutes daily, seeing yourself in the finished picture. Never outline details, but rather see yourself enjoying the particular thing . . . Eventually, you will see a time where it will just appear, as a gift or such, or you may see an opportunity to get what you were asking for.

Feel gratitude:

Always remember to say, "Thank you, God [or the universe]," and begin to feel the gratitude in your heart. The most powerful prayer we can ever make is those three words, provided we really feel it. Feel as though you already have what you wanted.

Feel expectancy:
Train yourself to live in a state of happy expectancy... Find a way it will appear in your life, and keep believing in that. May it be that someone gives it to you, or you find an initiation to get it.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

張愛玲 Eileen Chang

*One of my favourite Chinese writers....she has written many well-known novels and some of them were published in movies such as the most recent Lust, Caution (2007) (色,戒).

True love is surely hard to find even the one she loved the most Hu, Lancheng do not value the precious vow between them.

Early life
Born in Shanghai on September 30, 1920, to a renowned family, Eileen Chang's paternal grandfather Zhang Peilun was a son-in-law to Li Hongzhang, an influential Qing court official. Chang was named Zhang Ying (张瑛) at birth. Her family moved to Tianjin in 1922, where she started school at the age of four.

When Chang was five, her birth mother left for the United Kingdom after her father took in a concubine. Chang's father became addicted to opium. Although Chang's mother did return four years later, following her husband's promise to quit the drug and split with the concubine, a divorce could not be averted. Chang's unhappy childhood in the broken family probably gave her later works their pessimistic overtone.

The family moved back to Shanghai in 1928. She started to read Dream of the Red Chamber. Two years later, Chang was renamed Eileen (her Chinese first name, Ailing, was actually a transliteration of Eileen) in preparation for her entry into the Saint Maria Girls' School and her parents divorced. In 1932, she wrote her debut short novel.

Even in secondary school, Chang already displayed great talent in literature. Her writings were published in the school magazine. After a fight with her step-mother and her father, she ran away from home to stay with her mother in 1938. In 1939, Chang received a scholarship to study in the University of London, though the opportunity had to be given up due to the ongoing war in China. She went on to study literature in the University of Hong Kong instead. Chang met her life-long friend Fatima Mohideen (炎樱) while at University of Hong Kong. Just one semester short of getting her degree, Hong Kong fell to the Empire of Japan on December 25, 1941. The Japanese Occupation of Hong Kong would last until 1945.

Chang had left occupied Hong Kong for her native Shanghai. Her original plan was to finish the degree at Saint John's University, Shanghai, but it lasted for only two months. Lack of money was one factor for her to quit the university. She refused to get a teaching job or to be an editor, but determined to do what she was best at - writing. In the spring of 1943, Chang made a fateful trip to meet the editor Shoujuan Zhou (周瘦鹃) to give him her writings. The rest was history: Chang became the hottest writer in Shanghai in 1943-1944. It was during this period when her most acclaimed works, including Qing Cheng Zhi Lian (倾城之恋) and Jin Suo Ji (金锁记), were penned. Her literary maturity was beyond her age.

First marriage
Chang met her first husband Hu Lancheng (胡兰成) in the winter of 1943 and married him in the following year in a secret ceremony. Fatima Mohideen was the witness. At the time they had a relationship, Hu Lancheng was still married to his third wife. She loved him dearly despite of this, as well as being labeled a traitor for collaborating with the Japanese. After the marriage,Hu Lancheng went to Wuhan to work for a newspaper. When he stayed at a hospital in Wuhan, he seduced a 17-year-old nurse, Xunde Zhou (周训德), who soon moved in with him. When Japan was defeated in 1945, Hu used a fake name and hid in Wenzhou, where he fell in love with yet another countryside woman, Xiumei Fan (范秀美). When Chang traced him to his refuge, she realized she could not salvage the marriage. They finally divorced in 1947.

Life in the United States
In the spring of 1952, Chang migrated back to Hong Kong, where she worked as a translator for the American News Agency for three years. She then left for the United States in the fall of 1955, never to return to Mainland China again.

Second marriage
In MacDowell Colony, Chang met her second husband, the American scriptwriter Ferdinand Reyher, whom she married on August 14, 1956. While they were separated briefly (Chang in New York City, Reyher in Saratoga, New York), Chang wrote that she was pregnant with Reyher's child. Reyher wrote back to propose. Chang did not receive the letter, but she called the next day telling Reyher she was coming over to Saratoga, New York. Reyher got a chance to propose to her in person, but insisted that he did not want the child. After their marriage, they stayed in New York City until October 1956 before moving back to MacDowell Colony. Chang became a US citizen in July 1960, then went to Taiwan to look for more opportunities (October 1961 - March 1962). Reyher had been hit by strokes from time to time, and was eventually paralyzed. Reyher died in October 8, 1967. After Reyher's death, Chang held short-term jobs at Radcliffe College (1967) and UC Berkeley (1969-1972).


Translation work

Chang relocated to Los Angeles in 1972. Three years later, she completed the English translation of The Sing-song Girls of Shanghai (海上花列傳, literally Biographies of Shanghai Flowers, or Courtesans), a celebrated Qing novel in the Wu dialect by Han Bangqing 韓邦慶, 1856-1894. She became increasingly reclusive in her later years.


Death
Chang was found dead in her apartment on Rochester Avenue in Westwood, California on September 8, 1995, by her landlord. The fact that she was only found a few days after her death is a testament to her seclusion. Her death certificate states the immediate cause of her death to be Arteriosclerotic Cardiovascular Disease (ASCVD). She was survived by her brother Zijing Zhang (张子静) (December 11, 1921- October 12, 1997). Neither Chang nor her brother had any children. Chang's life-long friend Fatima Mohideen died a few month earlier, in June 1995 in New York. According to her will, she was cremated without any open funeral and her ashes were released to the Pacific Ocean. She asked in her will to give her all of her possessions to Stephen Soong (who died December 3, 1996) and his wife Mae Fong Soong in Hong Kong, but copyright was not mentioned in the will. [2]

《秧歌》 (The Rice Sprout Song)
《赤地之戀》
《流言》 (Written on Water)
《怨女》 (The Rouge of the North)
《傾城之戀-張愛玲短篇小說集之一》
《第一爐香-張愛玲短篇小說集之二》
《半生緣》(Eighteen Springs)
《張看》
《紅樓夢魘》
《海上花開-國語海上花列傳一》
《海上花落-國語海上花列傳二》
《惘然記》
惘然記
色,戒 (Lust, Caution)
浮花浪蕊
相見歡
多少恨
殷寶艷送花樓會
情場如戰場
《續集》
《餘韻》
《對照記》
《愛默森選集》 (The Selection of Emerson)
《同學少年都不賤》
《沉香》

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages By Gary Chapman

*Sometimes it's not hard to find couples having disagreements here and there...
There are some issues that guys just don't tend to think it really matters that much, but for girls it may seem totally the other way around. No wonder there's a book named "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." I suppose after finished reading this book may help one understands the reason why! Perhaps you may find after all this both are in the wrong channel that's why! For those who have not read it yet, should read it immediately if you want to see any improvements in your relationship with your loved ones!!

5 keys:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Act of Service
Physical Touch

Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Simple statements, such as, “You look great in that suit,” or “You must be the best baker in the world! I love your oatmeal cookies,” are sometimes all a person needs to hear to feel loved.

Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement. Here are some examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person’s unique perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for “Words of Affirmation,” offering encouragement will help him or her to overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.

Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality conversation, and quality time with your mate.

Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank that you can reminisce about in the future. Whether it’s sitting on the couch, physically being there for someone and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However, a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.

The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a very powerful physical symbol of love.

These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.

Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects. For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking the dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your mate’s dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will show your love.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.

Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is important to discover how your partner not only physically responds but also psychologically responds to these touches.

It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate. Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It’s important to learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the most of this love language.

All relationships will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.

It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.
I hope it is a place where people get inspired. A place where a prayer is found..A place where supports are available..
Love shall never end..It shall never cease..Because all we have to do is to LISTEN & BELIEVE!

All About Me

“I asked God for strength that I might achieve. I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey. I asked for health that I might do greater things. I was given infirmity that I might do better things. I asked for riches that I might be happy. I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for power that I might have the praise of men. I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life. I was given life that I might enjoy all things. I got nothing that I asked for, but everything I hoped for. Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered. I am, among all men, most richly blessed.”

Personal Info:

Interests: collecting Starbucks cards (actually anything has to do with Starbucks), watching latest fashion trends, traveling, food tasting, watching movies, doing shoppings (of cuz when it is necessary!), driving nice cars (or just by looking at it), listening music (very imp!), playing piano & composing songs (lack of practice :P), writing stuffs on my blog, playing with my precious doggy (although Puffy's been pretty annoying lately), looking at beautiful things!! ^___^

Favorite Music Genres:
Pop, Jazz, Gospel, Soft Rock, R&B, Hip-Hop



Favorite TV Shows:
King of the Queens, Friends; Prison Break, Project Runway, Travel & Living...etc

Favorite Quotes:
*Easier Than You Think…because life doesn't have to be so hard -- Richard Carlson
*It is a greater compliment to be trusted than to be loved -- George MacDonald
*In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief; to the old they are a comfort and aid in their weakness, and those in the prime of life they incite to noble deeds -- Aristotle
*Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your back yard, in which to bury the faults of your friends -- Henry Ward Beecher
*The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend -- Henry David Thoreau
*A joy shared is a joy doubled -- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Questions to Ask:
-Do my closest friends enjoy just being with me?
-Am I a friend that others depend on during difficult times?


Love isn't love unless it is expressed; caring isn't caring unless the other person knows;sharing isn't sharing unless the other person is included; Loving, caring, and sharing can make for a very happy marriage -- by Anonymous