Two sinners

Boy Meets Girl - by Joshua Harris

p. 164
The fear that many people have about not having a physical relationship before marriage is that they'll be clumsy and inexperienced on their wedding night. Guess what? It's okay to be clumsy and inexperienced. It means you need to devote a lot of time to practice after the wedding...There's no rule that says newlyweds have to have sex their first night together. They can warm up slowly. They can take as long as they need to get used to kissing and touching each other. They can grow accustomed to being naked together. They don't have to have intercourse immediately...

The point is that the focus for both people should be on serving the other person, not demanding gratification. Our main concern as Christians should be purity before God, not being experienced lovers when we get married...

Who cares if you or your partner can have the "ultimate orgasm" if neither of you truly care about each other?

But will we be compatible? If you love each other and you're willing to learn and gently respond to the desires of your lover, yes, you will be. Only selfishness and sin make two people sexually incompatible.

True love plans. Do you really care for each other? Than spend your courtship storing up passion and planning for thrilling, God-glorifying sex. The most important thing you can do during this time is to learn to think bilibcally about sex, to love God's plan, and to battle the lust and impatience in you that will try to destroy it.

The effort will be more than worth it. Each time you feel as though you're denying yourselves, you're actually blessing yourselves. Each time you walk away from temptation and refuse to stoke the fires of passion prematurely, you're sending yourselves the best gifts you'll receive on the day of your wedding - gifts of trust and respect and increased passion.

p. 171

Though it's painful, an important part of starting a new life with the person you love is working through the consequences of past choices. This doesn't mean that you have to dredge up every sordid detail, but it does mean that you need to honestly face the effect your past can have on your future. As the authors of Preparing for Marriage wisely state, "It is better to speak the truth prior to your marriage than to live with the fear, deceit, and shame that comes from hiding the truth from your mate."

Unless you're honest about past sin, you won't be able to understand the potential challenges you'll confront because of it. Neither will you be able to root yourselves firmly in the sustaining grace of God.

...just because I had forgiven her and was confident about our future didn't mean that I didn't struggle at times with her past. I share this with you to say that after you're done confessing and forgiving each other, you're still going to need each other. You'll both face unique temptations. In our relationships, Shannon continued to deal with condemnation. She needed me to remind her that I had forgiven her and that God has cleansed her. At the same time, I needed to hear her tell me that she loved me and that her past relationships were meaningless to her.

p. 191

He said, "The sting lessens. You'll always have a sense of regret, but over time the pain decreases till it's hardly there." For us the memory of our difficult conversation and the days that followed is bittersweet. Bitter because sin really does destroy and ruin life; sweet because in the moment of our deepest shared grief, the mercy and grace of God was never more real to us. The pain of the past caused us both to draw closer to the cross of our Saviour Jesus. Is it possible to outrun the past? No. But when you know the forgiveness the grace of God, it is possible to face it without fear.

We started our marriage, and hope to always remain, in awe of grace - two sinners at the foot of the cross.

p. 196

Questions to ask yourself if you're thinking of marriage.
-Your marriage will join you body and soul to another human.
-Your marriage will determine the mother or father of your future children.
-It can strengthen or hinder your effectiveness for God.
-It can bring you a lifetime of joy or leave you miserable.

Are you ready to care for, sacrifice for, and love your partner through good times and bad?

1) Is your relationship centered on God and His glory?
2)Are you growing in friendship, communicatioin, fellowship, and romance?
3) Are you clear on the biblical roles as man and woman?
If you're a woman, ask yourself if this man is someone you could respect, submit to, and love. If you're a man, are you currently initiating and leading in the relationship? Do you have the faith to lead this woman and serve her in love for a lifetime? You need to make sure that she can and will follow your spiritual leadership.
4) Are other people supportive of your relationship?
5) Is sexual desire playing too big or too small a part in your decision?
It's important that you are sexually attracted to your spouse.
6) Do you have a tract record of solving problems bilibcally?
Do you act like godly adults, or like self-centered children when facing disagreements, misunderstandings, or decisions? Failure to solve problems..Do you manipulate? Do you avoid facing problems? Do you whitewash matters by pretending everything is ok? Do you store up resentments?

What does it mean to solve problems biblically? It starts with a basic understanding of what the Bible teaches about the major areas of life. It means knowing how to bring up and talk through difficult issues. It means being willing to ask forgiveness for your contribution to the problem, no matter what the other person has done.

7)Are you heading in the same direction in life?
Two very different people can have a wonderful marriage. But there are basic kinds of agreement that a man and woman come to in order to cleave to one another. Courtship is the time to discuss how you would relate to your parents and your single friends as a married couple. Are you ready to leg go of much of the individual freedom you've had as a single? How do you envision your shared life? Are you in agreement about lifestyle issues like religious beliefs and practice, children, church involvement, and money?

8) Have you taken into account any cultural differences you have?

9) Do either of you have complicating entanglements from past marriages or relationships?

10) Do you want to marry this person?

Wanting the Best
Do you really want what's best for each other? Then you'll welcome the chance to honestly evaluate it, even if it means you discover some potential problems. A successful courtship is one in which two people treat each other with holiness and sincerity and make a wise choice about marriage - whether the choice is yes or no.